1. Who writes the wine column in the Guardian on Saturdays (as of 18.05.12):

Michael Winner

Jancis Robinson

Fiona Beckett

Samuel Beckett

2. UB40 had a hit record in 1983 with “Red, Red, Wine”, but who wrote the song:

Dean Martin

Alice Cooper

Neil Diamond

Anne Diamond

3. The grape variety pinotage is native to which country:

Italy

France

Greenland

South Africa

4. What did Queen’s “Killer Queen” keep in her pretty cabinet:

Bollinger

Veuve Clicquot

Moet et Chandon

Newcastle Brown

5. Which Poet Laureate wrote about “a cargo of apes, ivory and peacocks, sandalwood, cedarwood and sweet white wine”:

Ted Hughes

John Betjeman

John Masefield

John Cooper Clarke

6. In the song “Hit Me with Your Rhythm Stick”, where did Ian Dury go to after he’d been to the wilds of Borneo:

To the vineyards of Bordeaux

To the vineyards of Barolo

To the backyards of Barrow

To salubrious Fazakerley

7. What is the dominant grape variety in Liebfraumilch blends:

Riesling

Chardonnay

Chenin Blanc

Muller-Thurgau

8. Which monk, who died in 1715, is widely credited with the invention of Champagne:

Rasputin

Friar Tuck

Dom Perignon

Dom Jones

9. “Drinkin’ Wine, Spo-Dee-O-Dee” by Stick McGhee was the first hit on which internationally famous record label, which also brought us Led Zeppelin, Aretha Franklin, and, er, Emerson, Lake and Palmer:

Decca

Atlantic

Motown

Parlophone

10. Which group had hits in the 1970’s with “Glass of Champagne” and “Girls! Girls! Girls!”:

Sailor

Sensational Alex Harvey Band

Sparks

The Captain and Tennille

The answers are down here, scrolled down to just where you can’t see them…

1. Fiona Beckett, although we’d love to read Samuel Beckett’s wine column!

2. Neil Diamond.

3. Pinotage is native to South Africa. It’s a hybrid of Pinot Noir and Cinsault, which is known locally as Hermitage.

4. She kept Moet and Chandon in her pretty cabinet. The location of her Newky Brown remains unclear.

5. John Masefield wrote about the various cargoes, but John Cooper Clarke’s got a super poem about pies… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Vc4JJ8C4N0

6. To the vineyards of Bordeaux. If he ever did go to Barrow, it didn’t move him to write a song.

7. The dominant grape variety in Liebfraumilch is Muller-Thurgau, which, if we’re honest, sounds rather more esoteric than we’d imagined.

8. Dom Perignon. More specifically, he is credited with discovering that fermenting wine in a sealed bottle produces trapped carbon dioxide, which makes it sparkle, although there isn’t really much evidence to support even this. Nice legend, though.

9. Stick McGhee’s name was on the first hit for the Atlantic label, setting into motion a vehicle that would also pick up Charles Mingus, John Coltrane and Ornette Coleman. Thank you, Stick!

10. They were among the works of Sailor, who had only one more top 40 record after the two mentioned, namely “One Drink Too Many.” Or was it one record too many..?